To be honest, I can struggle with this and there is definitely a fine art when it comes to this balancing act. Sometimes, I feel the illusion of completely nailing it and then other times, I desperately hide away and isolate myself on a less than healthy level. People generally think I’m an extremely social being and when I’m in balance (which means shit loads of alone time in silence) and in a social situation, I am. On the flip side, if I’m out of balance & in a social situation, inside, I struggle hugely. I return to the safety of my home totally exhausted, in vital need of silence as if I depended on it like air and on the brink of perpetual tears, which often gets shrouded by anger and moodiness to those extremely close to me. I realize I am, we all are, in fact a pendulums swinging between Peace and chaos. Aren’t we all? Unless enlightened of course…. Does the swinging between peace and chaos slow down with practice? I don’t believe so.
What does, however, is the way we react to what arises out of feeling like that pendulum which swings. This is the one thing (and pretty much the only thing) we have control over. So, how do we manage the way we react to outside circumstances out of our control? As Mark Twain says: You can’t throw a bad habit out the window. You have to slowly walk it down the stairs. Just like anything, it takes Practice. A Practice, in which I believe, is to be found in the heart of our Yoga Practice. What’s the use of all this Asana if its not creating a positive effect in our life? Another quote I love is by Cameron Shayne: Just become you can do a handstand; it doesn’t mean you’re not a dick. This is why the other limbs of Yoga are vital to our Practice. When we inquire and start to incorporate the other limbs of Yoga into our Practice, this is what creates radical change in our lives. At times I have moved into wonder if all of this sitting, all this Zazen, all this meditation makes it harder for me to be in the world. I have wondered if that addictive persona which arises has moved just as swiftly from Asana to Meditation as it did from drugs to Yoga…
My teacher reminds me: Buddha, Dharma, Sangha Buddha is the sitting aspect. The Practice. This stillness which is vital for us to feel whole and to be able to listen deeply to our aspirations and to follow our vow. Dharma represents the teachings, also within the practice, passed down through unbroken lineages from teacher to student and the method in which enables us to open ourselves. Sangha is our spiritual community & friends. Our heart to heart relationships that hold no expectation, are without demand and are wholeheartedly supportive of our Practice. Being able to open yourself to others and support others doing the same is such a huge part of the Practice. These 3 pillars are vital in the Practice & for me it’s usually the latter, which can fall away. Sangha is not about talking mindless chit chat and offloading. It’s the ability to just BE with one and other. It cultivates energy and understanding that were in this together. That we are all supported. If you’re feeling off quilter, the best thing you can do is take a moment in silence and be still. (I know this sounds cliché but its true) Move your awareness inward by observing the breath and tap into how you feel. With no judgment. That non-sense voice (the one which bangs on and on and on) will no doubt chime in with some negative bull shit. Be aware of it but don’t buy into it. That quiet and gentle inner voice… that internal sense of knowing will speak to you. Its up to you if you choose to listen but if you want peace and happiness, it’s a vital part of the Practice.
This is a huge part of the integration. That gentle inner voice beyond the incessant monologue of the mind is your true self. The nurturing and intuitive side of you that will never lead you astray. Out of your comfort zone, yes, but not to anywhere other than exactly where you’re meant to be. Get this straight: You are not your mind. You are everything else. Follow your heart. Train that gentle inner voice (your intuition) like a muscle. It will grow big and strong until it speaks louder than your mind. With the ups and downs of life come the tides of emotions. Be with them and loosen the grip of needing to understand it all. The logical mind needs to know everything. In your heart, your true self knows to trust the process and understand that you have all of the answers you need here, right now. Stop grasping and start to listen gently. Hear yourSelf. Talk less, Listen more. In every occasion. “When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you may learn something new.” Dalai Lama In a world where many people are lost in the mind & controlled by a society that are going nowhere but out there, away from themselves, its vital for us to integrate this ancient and sustainable Practice and penetrate the silence and stillness that comes with it. We then start to understand what it really means to Practice.
As we observe our patterns, we start to realize that the emotions, which are triggered by outside circumstances, are all ours. To blame another for how we feel does not and will not bring you peace. Forgiveness does. Understanding to a point of knowing that everyone is doing the best with what they’ve got will instill within you that deep sense of trust that everything is always going to be ok. Even when its not. The ebb and flow of emotions, just like the rise and fall of the tides is all part of the divine plan. Practice surrendering to it instead of fighting a battle you will never win. “No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.” Albert Einstein Being a swinging pendulum is part of the divinity of all of our human-ness. Enquire deeper than the single limb of Yoga, Asana. Incorporate the other 7 limbs and I promise you that the way you react to situations out of your control will change drastically.
Awareness is key. Practice diligently and gently with no attachment to the end result and all of your answers will come.
Darci
